When I discover myself, I am a waterfall. Like a waterfall, a holy gush, I feel the sound in my bones and my toes. When I am full, I am that hum, a chord that sounds in the heart of a bowl and continues to drum on its edges. When I am struck by a beautiful sight, a phrase, a cry, or a color, there is a vibrant feeling that stays with me. I define this vibration, this careful blinking, as resonance.
We live in a fast world. Our wishes are served on a silver platter. Obsessions appear at our doorstep or in the palm of our hands with a touch. We look forward to a satisfaction delivery on an Amazon package. Bosses expect us to respond to Teams chats and emails within minutes. We feel a strain when we are emotionally unavailable and unable to respond to a text. The buzz we crave is no longer personal. is shared. We lose resonance. We are unscathed by reflection in a world that moves too fast for us to sit down with anything.
So I challenge this. How can we pay more attention to things that stick instead? What does it mean when we are careful enough to pause and be touched by that chord of resonance? And how can we appreciate and understand these moments and how do they define who we are?
We are unscathed by reflection in a world that moves too fast for us to sit down with anything.
In the dictionary, resonance is the process of being deep, complete, and reverberant. In its entirety, resonance is quite mathematical, the initial definition of the word related to formulas and calculations. For me, resonance is more than science. It’s about taking the time to notice the moments that gently push us forward. We can benefit from the legs of its fullness, holistic sound marathon, and what it feels like to us by slowing down and asking ourselves, “Why did that resonate with me? And what can I do to feel the reflected energy more often?
One of my favorite books, great circle by Maggie Shipstead, tells the story of a reckless woman who charts her way into aviation. Somewhere in the book, a character talks about the potential of death; crash a plane Her friend says: “I was interested in what you said at that dinner, about how when we die everything evaporates. I think that was the word? She resonated with me. I try to pay attention to the resonance.” This appointment was incremental for me. Paying attention to what resonates with us can mean a dozen things. And paying attention to what stops us in our path will offer a wholeness that can heal us.
I read somewhere that a playground swing was one of the most familiar human examples of resonance in a physical way. A gentle push (ie resonance) helps maintain the amplitude of a rocking motion. Couldn’t this action be accurate for humans too? A little bit of energy and reflection keeps our width and breadth as people. Resonance helps us move and rise, accessing a higher part of ourselves that we could not know without it.
I have not read the Alice Waters book. We Are What We Eat: A Slow Food Manifesto but this quote about understanding that things take time SAT with me: “Speed is the engine of fast food culture, driving all other values. Speed says that things should happen really fast, the faster the better. You ask, you get. You want it, you must have it. But with speed, if there’s no instant gratification, there’s frustration. There is no maturity, there is no time for reflection, there is no patience. Our expectations are distorted and we are easily distracted. We lose the feeling that things take time, like growing food, cooking, learning a language or starting a business, or getting to know someone, for that matter. Time is money. And when time becomes money, many things lose meaning, including our work.”
Consider the emotions. People tell stories about trauma and shock and note that they didn’t feel emotion until later. Last year a dear friend of mine passed away. When I heard the news, I didn’t cry. Emotions didn’t kick in until I felt the buzz of life from him. When I heard the memories of his friends, getting in the way of hundreds of his loved ones, I burst into tears. The resonance gave me the opening and the time to feel.
A little bit of energy and reflection keeps our width and breadth as people. Resonance helps us move and rise, accessing a higher part of ourselves that we could not know without it.
Resonance can also bring us closer to each other. Bryony Gordon wrote about her depression for an essay in The Telegraph. Reading the piece, I realized how important it is to approach depression and take the moments to feel its burly mouth sink into us. Because? because depression resonates Describes the comfort of understanding why she feels depressed. As she wrote about mental health and worked things out in her head, she learned that depression is a strange mechanism, a way of “warning you that your life isn’t working the way it is.” She writes: “In this context, a collective feeling of not feeling quite right is the right thing to do.”
Resonance can give us answers and help us understand each other. We cannot access these insights when we are running through the daily drum of life. Depression is one of the scariest open feelings, but if I take the time to understand its reason for being, I’m better at it. When I face my fears (doubt, pain, joy, and healing), I better understand why they have to sit with me.
In my experience, the pandemic made me feel like I lost the power to notice the things that make me stop. Routine, in my opinion, is the great thief of how we figure things out and sit with what moves us. With routine, we become complacent. When we do the same thing every day, see the same person, wake up to our daily alarm, eat the same breakfast, stay away from trips, we can lose what makes us feel expansive. We lack the potential tickle of surprise; the urgent anticipation of the unknown. Resonance is prominent when I travel. I’m not focusing on a mundane to-do list. I’m smelling new smells, tasting food, walking down streets I’ve never seen before. How can we move beyond the day-to-day stagnation and overcome the numbness we all feel?
Reflection and resonance are two different things. I wanted to make sure to include that here as I thought of it on a jolt last night while taking a bath. Resonance is when something sits with us and we notice that it propels us forward. Reflection is understanding the importance of the pause.
So what is it that makes us resonate with things? According to this website (Writer’s note: and one of the only ones I could find on emotional resonance), things that resonate bring joy, and that’s why we notice them. When it came to depression, what resonated was noticing that depression didn’t resonate. The depression became an indication that I needed to change my life.
We must pay attention to what resonates with us and what does not resonate with us, because that divided moment of push or pull signals a sense of enlightenment. When something resonates with me, I know it’s valuable. When something doesn’t resonate with me, I know I need a change. When I read a good sentence in a book, that need to underline it is a reminder to me to ask because. Why does this phrase mean so much to me? Paying attention to resonance is knowing who we are. To classify its existence is to know who we can become.
Resonance is the reason I write. Resonance is the reason I read. That’s why I love to be patient and quiet. That’s why I listen to horses. That’s why I crave travel, meditation and yoga. What a gift it is to be marked by joy in our tranquility and through that experience to understand what makes us who we are.
When I read a good sentence in a book, that need to underline it is a reminder to me to ask because. Why does this phrase mean so much to me? Paying attention to resonance is knowing who we are. To classify its existence is to know who we can become.
What resonates with me replenishes me. So for fun, I made a list. So I can better understand how to feel replenished. And I recommend that you do too. Deep breath (my little list of things that resonate): metaphors, stories of ordinary people doing extraordinary things, songs about care and love, the color blue, children’s advice, origin stories, the tender philosophy of time, horses, Mary Oliver, cats in the sun , childhood memories, spring and the ocean.
I can always come back to this list when I’ve forgotten who I am. I can come back to this list when I need to slow down; take time to reflect. I can come back to this list when I need to feel that buzz of life, that ever-sweet whistle of harmony inside me.
So, in this wild and precious life, what resonates with you?
Brittany Chaffee is an avid storyteller, professional empath, and author. On a daily basis, she gets paid to strategize and create content for brands. Outside of working hours, it is a well-lit place, hot bread and good company. She lives in St. Paul with her cat brothers, Rami and Monkey. Follow her on Instagram, she reads more about her latest book, Borderline, and (most importantly) she goes hug your mom.
